ps238principal (ps238principal) wrote,

Complain with me about the movies!

Well, I may not know what-all is up at, but I do know that the guy who used to be my primary contact there is now working on a film that casts the Frankenstein Monster as a private detective. I'm hoping that this means a Full Frontal Nerdity film can't be too far behind, where the guys solve crimes in their Geekmobile, with the help of a mythological creature sidekick whose fictional species is yet to be determined. I'm pulling for a nymph, so we can reel in that elusive "anything with hormones" demographic, as well as add some much-needed balance to our cast.

I do often wax on about movies, and the viewing thereof. I'm finding, more often than not, I'm viewing them on either my home computer or on my TV. I rarely go out to the theater, and my friends are finding less time to do so as well. Our reasons are many and varied:

1. Fellow patrons who won't shut up: Seeing a great movie with a crowd that's as into it as you are is a wonderful experience. But if one of them decides to yak on a cell phone, repeat every joke to his buddies, or just complain and gripe while the film rolls on, it's entertainment spoiled that I had to pay for. What compounds this is the hostility many of these people have to being shushed, as if I'd just asked them if they wouldn't mind sticking this feral cat that I just pumped full of coffee down their shorts along with an open can of Fancy Feast.
2. Broken equipment: I'm not a huge audiophile, so if I notice that one channel of the theater is popping into and out of life like a bit-player on "E.R.," then there's really something wrong with the sound. I've been told that the speakers in a theater are incredibly expensive these days and sometimes not worth the investment to replace defective ones.
3. Nick Cage: He must be stopped at any cost. I mean, the man may have lost his mind. He needs our help, but not our box office.
4. 3-D is a privilege, not a right: Yes, it's come a long way, and it's cool (for those without prescription glasses), but much like how bullet-time became a substitute for actual plot and character development, not every scene has to be blocked as if everyone hates the cameraman and can't wait to throw something at him or run him through... unless he deserves it for taking the last doughnut; that's just wrong.
5. Adaptations of properties that those behind the adapting don't like: Sam Raimi didn't like Venom, and it showed in Spider-Man 3. Someone didn't like Deadpool in the upcoming Wolverine film (and nobody in any of the X-Men films seemed to like Cyclops, for that matter). Bryan Singer may have liked Superman, he loved Richard Donner more. I'm not asking for a one-to-one transfer of my favorite literary/comic book character to the movies, as changes must be made for acceptance by a wider audience as well as to accommodate the medium. But you can tell when people just aren't familiar with what made something appealing (no actual superpowers show up until about 8:20).

So what to do? I'm thinking that movies need to be an "event" again, as its primary advantages are (1) getting to see movies before they're released on DvD, (2) having a big honkin' screen, and (3) hopefully having a good time with other people. Part of this is something the theaters and movie companies will have to help each other with. From what I understand, theaters don't make a lot of money from ticket sales; they make money from concessions. I don't know anyone who regularly buys food and drink at the theater if they can help it, so I'm thinking that the studios might need to eat more of the costs of showing first-run movies in our nation's theaters. Why? Well, movies have become two-hour long ads for the DvD, and that's not a bad thing in most cases. There are a lot of films where I've walked out thinking, "I can't wait for the (language and theological discussion warning) extended version," and they've practically got the cash I'm going to plop down at my local Best Buy three months in the future.

And as a part-time showman at our nation's conventions (not a great one, but I'm working on it), one can never underestimate the power of "free crap." I have lots of "free crap" in my house, and I love looking at it. I'm talking about a "From Hell" letter opener, a "Hellboy 2" squeezy doll, and even an "Episode III" AOL disc. Something that's a cheap souvie from a night out that you can stick on a shelf somewhere. They could even make these tie-ins have a discount towards the DvD or some other incentive. This won't stop movies that are genuinely bad from being a poor time at the cinema, so I'd also like to re-iterate my idea for letting Mike Nelson or Joel Robinson have a "bonus track" on every movie made. You could watch an alternate version of your movie where they got to MST3K or Rifftrax the heck out of it, complete with bumper sequences (because I want my Crow and Tom Servo back!). I would go broke buying every DvD with this feature, and I would starve to death in front of my TV a happy man, indeed.

But for all my complaining, it looks like movies and TV have one less thing to worry about, as the SAG strike is apparently no longer a threat. Whether or not one agrees with how actors are paid, at least we won't (hopefully) get more reality shows as studios worry about committing to shows that may not get filmed because of a strike.

Speaking of movies, let's start with a few clips:

- There's the final trailer for the next Harry Potter film to behold.
- Then we turn to science fiction. Ever wonder what you'd get if you made a rip-off of "Terminator" by way of "Battlestar Galactica"? Pretty much this, I think.
- What film festival would be complete without horror? This is not for the squeamish, and it's actually a cool advancement in the realm of organ transplants: Lungs 'breathing' while awaiting implantation. And may I just say AAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!
- And there's news that Dr. Horrible may be bound for the big screen. Okay, after that's a hit, then can we get our weekly TV show?
- Back to just random stuff. I usually take my cream from those little sealed plastic cups, but I'd take it from this container more often, if I could.
- How about a little Power Golf? Tiger may not have had a great time at the Masters, but my own skills would definitely make him feel fortunate for the ones he has.
- If there are any miniature makers out there looking for new ideas in the area of WWII, here's some experimental weapons and vehicles that could spice up the next game of "Axis & Allies."
- The financial crisis is hard to understand, and one camp wants a return to the gold standard to solve our fiscal woes. I'd recommend reading Terry Pratchett's 'Making Money' before completely jumping on that particular bandwagon. Even if you don't agree with the hero's views, it's Pratchett, so it's awesome.
- Reminding me a bit of certain "Goo" based games, Oozing Forever is an interesting platformer that casts you in the role of a blob of slime, out for justice!

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