ps238principal (ps238principal) wrote,

I failed, but I may have the best outcome...

Viewers of some food-oriented cable channel might have seen a segment on a place called "KC Smoke Burgers." Their website is here, and the Food TV segment can be seen here. The subject of that video clip concerned a sandwich they serve called "The Challenge Burger." If you can eat all of it, your next meal is free or you can take a t-shirt as your trophy. This past Sunday, I went there with some friends to try it out. The photo to the left is what it looked like when it was served to me. Here's what it looked like when I felt something poking the inside of my stomach with what I'm assuming was a disapproving finger. My companions, as seen through my tears, were valiantly eating their burgers with various strategies:

- "Yank the Band-Aid Off in One Go." This works on the idea that the longer you take to down it, the more like a Bosch painting the inside of your mouth is going to be. This was employed by the guy who looks a lot like FFN's Nelson, and while he finished first, he walked around a lot. He also said blowing his nose afterwards was a mistake.
- "Milkshake Fire Brigade." Another finisher's method was to eat with a chocolate shake nearby with a few of its twin siblings standing by. It didn't deaden the pain much, but it seemed to help keep his biology from rebelling, perhaps via some kind of reward system.
- "Failure is not an Option." This is a test of will, and was successful for our third finisher. In spite of the heat, the trembling jaw muscles, and the way the lights seemed to dim with each bite, our hero made it across the finish line just by not giving into the complaints from his nervous system.

I got halfway through and employed the "I Don't Want to Buy a Case of Charmin" strategy, and decided that when my food feels like it wants to go out through the front of my torso rather than up or down, it might be time to give up on the free t-shirt. Even though the restaurant is just a few blocks away from a hospital, I thought there was a chance that the burger would be hot enough to cause my cell phone to lose signal at a critical moment, so I embraced my failure. I was told later that this might have been a wiser strategy, as the human body can't process all of the capsaicin (the stuff that makes hot stuff hot), and there are only two quite sensitive exit routes for the excess. A metaphor of unburned gasoline exploding in a car muffler was used as a teaching aid for this concept.

Anyway, if you love spicy stuff around the 7 million scoville range, this is the burger for you. It loses anything resembling flavor other than "licking Ghost Rider's habanero-covered head" about three bites in, but hey, free t-shirt if you make it!

As if we don't have enough ways to drain our wallets, Steam has just unveiled its mobile app for buying games. You can chat with friends and do forum stuff, too, but that seems similar to advertising a movie theater as a place to enjoy the smell of buttered popcorn. But what if you're a console-oriented gamer who'd like to enjoy the Steam experience without having to use a PC to play? Valve seems to be working on that part of the market as well. I'm not sure that blog post is accurate about "keeping PC gaming alive," though. True, it's a major contributor to the platform, and this article from the latter part of last year seems to bear out that PC gamers are alive and well. Still, I just prefer the interface possibilities via a computer (which I can use with a game controller, if I so choose) over the various consoles I've owned, but that's just me. I'm actually more concerned about computer operating systems being turned oversized smartphone OS's, which seems an odd fit for a desktop device. I should also note that I detest fingerprints on my screens, so I may be a bit biased in not wanting oily digits involved with opening Photoshop or something. :)

Hmmm... I may have understated that warning from my stomach earlier, as I seem to have some kind of high seas adventure going on in my digestive system. I hope that there's something pink in our medicine cabinet, or I might have to rely on the hypothesis that any pink substance is appropriate for this situation. I'll start with unraveling some of my wife's socks and work my way up from there. In case I don't recover, let these be my parting thoughts:

- I don't know if I'll even have time to try it out, but the upcoming online game, Hawken makes me think a Mechwarrior movie would be pretty awesome.
- Somehow I don't think we're going to see fictional drug dealers no longer using their ill-gotten gains to open bars or night clubs just because a real-life one wanted to open a comic shop.
- With all of the exoplanets we're discovering, a way of using spectral analysis might show us which ones have plant life. Let me know when they can tell me if it's just stuff like corn and trees vs. the ones that can walk around and eat your brains.
- Steven Moffat hints at (spoilers ahoy) what's coming when Sherlock returns. Though other than how the last season ended, he doesn't say a whole lot that's specific.
- Even though it's not meant to be a send-up of Mr. Holmes, the trailer for more Dirk Gently program(me)s makes me think they'd be great to watch back-to-back.
- Boom Balloon is a fun little game where you have to cut the strings to balloons, making sure that somewhere along their ascent they get popped. It's harder than it sounds...
- The hacker's dream with the semi-cute name, the Pwnie is a disguised power plug that does some pretty scary stuff for not a lot of cash.
- A pair of Game of Thrones trailers for you: First, the second season two trailer from HBO. Then there's the Disney version of the previous trailer.
- Based on averages, if you actually read all of the privacy policies you encountered in one year, it would take you 76 work days to finish. [ ]Click here if you have read and agree with this and wish to continue. :)
- And now, animation. Even if you didn't play the "Best games of 2012," you can enjoy a lot of them in Lego stop-motion format. Then we've got The Story of Animation, a cartoon showing how animated cartoons are created (and how much they can cost).
- Taking the place of the words/phrases that everyone assumed started tape recorders rolling if said over the phone is this list of words that the DHS is searching for on social media sites.
- If you think your fantasy novel is bad, check out what Tolkien thought of his own work.
- Evil Asteroids 2 is a particle-flow game where you direct planetary... um... output, I guess, at the titular evil asteroids so they explode.
Tags: intestinal distress, kc smokehouse burgers, really spicy food, spicy food, steam, video games
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